Author Note: This story is a confession for those who were there, perhaps a lesson for those who might dare to challenge themselves, and a bit of a boast that I regret even as I hit enter to post it. Read at your own risk.
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I shall tell you a great secret my friend. Do not wait for the last judgement. It takes place everyday.
-Albert Camus
"Patrick, Patrick - You don't NEED to come up with a NEW show for BreakThrough. You can just go with what you know brother."
"Patrick - Seriously, you're way too busy to come up with a NEW show for BreakThrough. You simply DON'T have the TIME friend. Let it go."
"Patrick - The ideas for a NEW show just aren't there. Let it go. You can't force the creative. It's too late now. The event is just 2 weeks away so you're going to have to take a pass this time. There's always next November."
"Patrick, Patrick, PATRICK - If you go forward with this NEW show - which is FAR from ready - you're going to bomb hard. Let it go, you didn't have enough time and that's not an excuse, that's REALITY."
My naysayers were persistent. And negative. And LOUD - especially since they ALL lived inside my own head. The above is the soundtrack in my mind that I had to keep turning off for the past month while the pressure intensified. Let me start over and give you the backstory.
I challenged myself a year ago to write and perform a NEW show for each of the four BreakThrough events my company, LifePath Unlimited, would be hosting between June 2008 and November 2009. Four new shows. No falling back on a speech I've had success with prior.
I'm not speaking a lot these days because of the full-time demands of my role in LifePath, so I gave myself the challenge so that I would still grow as a performer, which is my True North.
Trust me, it would be SO much easier to just give keynote speeches at LifePath events that I'd already performed successfully many times over. But there would be no growth in that. I want growth more than I want ensured success. I see speaking/performing as one of those hallowed professions where the work really matters, and the work is in the growth.
I blogged about my previous new show, new show #2, which I presented last November ("Free to Move About the Cabin, 11/23/08). It was as close to an Everest climb as I may ever come and a personal triumph in my growth as a performer. I felt I broke out of the box called "Motivational Speaking." I felt I broke ground into a new world I've named "Inspirational Shows," where my speaking skills are combined with my theatre knowlege.
As I set out to write this new show, (new show #3), I wasn't too worried about it. I had six months to do it. At first. But then, just like that, I was looking at only 40 days to go before show time. Time flew because, again, I'm like every other entrepreneur launching a new company - wall to wall slammed.
40 days remaining to create a new show is somewhat daunting when you can't seem to find the topic that feels right.
And then it came to me, in a flash. And I wrote it all out - in a day. And I felt safe.
And then a week later the whole idea collapsed in on itself. As often "good ideas" do.
Easy come. Easy go.
30 days and counting till show time. And there's NO time to work on my show because I'm working full time on creating the very event where I've scheduled myself to perform it.
And at about 30 days is when the voices - the naysayers in my head - began "rational-lying" to me.
"Patrick, Patrick..."
I was very conscious of these voices because I wanted to believe them.
I wanted an out. The pressure wasn't fun.
Maybe it was during my long distance running days that I learned to tell my own
voices to shut the F up. And so I did and they would, at least temporarily. And I'd use the respite to keep focusing on what I wanted: Ideas for a NEW show.
At about 25 days and counting down, I was pushing a new idea for my show uphill. Trying to make it work. I felt there was something to this idea, but there wasn't that magical feeling behind it that tells you the idea is right for prime time. Creativity that's right creates magical pictures in your mind that are in hiDef and Dolby Sound. When an idea is right, it tells you in no uncertain terms, as clear as a woman taking your hand and leading you to bed.
Creativity that's close but not quite, is like a dance where you keep tripping over your own feet and kicking your partner.
This idea that I was trying for two weeks to make work kept getting kicked in the shins.
Although I couldn't dance well with this idea, I still worked on it loads. It prompted me to rush around for several days and evening gathering and preparing old footage of myself performing.
And time flew with many To Do items and tour dates.
Quickly, it was 4 days to go (FOUR) and I still didn't have a show.
"Patrick, Patrick - You don't NEED to come up with a NEW show for BreakThrough. You can just go with what you know brother."
Four days to create a new show terrifies me at several levels. Especially when you subtract out the day before my show when I will be otherwise occupied from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m., the time my family will require of me, and hours upon hours that will be gone to meeting, greeting and producing the event itself.
When the pressure is this high, the time frames this compressed, it is SUPREMELY tempting to buy into your own excuses. Seriously, I AM too busy. And I don't NEED to create a new show. And you can't FORCE creativity.
"Patrick! Let it go! Know one will know and no one will care." (Both of which are extremely true statements).
Four days before show time, with an idea that stood up worse than the Leaning Tower of Pisa and an army of naysayers in my head being loosely held at bay behind a wall of determined thinking. Then, without warning, creativity finally cried uncle and gave up the solution! In a flash of inspiration, she took my hand and said "Come with me" in a silky voice.
The solution was a prop, a device. Ten chairs. These ten chairs would represent 10 obstacles that I overcome in my personal story. This was the immaculate device on which to hang all the stories I desired to tell. I must also comment that the 10 chairs idea tied together my original idea that collapsed in on itself a month before with the idea that I had been trying to push up hill for the last two weeks. So inspiration gave me an idea that brought my month of efforts all together seamlessly.
I'm not sure that I can properly explain the salvation of the chairs idea. But in my experience, every show needs an organization principle, a creative through line - something that acts like a magnet that pulls all your ideas into alignment. The chairs acted as the show's backbone. Hell, they even looked like a backbone when placed on stage. And I must add, I've never seen chairs used like this before, so for me, it was an original idea - the most satisfying kind of ideas of all.
Now, with four time compressed days left, all I had to do now was build the show. I finally had a blueprint.
I won't bore you with the details of the next 36 hours. It's enough to know that when others were partying by the pool, I was working fast and furious. When others were enjoying drinks and laughs in the bar till late, I was up even later working script and visuals. Day and night. With EVERY available second, between my job as event producer.
And I am clearly a glutton for challenge because with excitement in my heart for the "chairs" show, I also decided to seize the opportunity to implement an idea I've had for years - TWO PowerPoint presentations instead of one. One for the left screen. Another for the right screen. And so I built two. And then, I made use of a third middle screen by scripting a couple videos for that one. And I felt the show must have 10 music cues. Someone should just whack me like fish because when it comes to a show, I lose all reason.
The night before the show, I kept the lights and sound crew up until 2 a.m.
The hour before the show was madness. The three screen approach I'd devised was a technical nightmare and NOT WORKING. It FAILED the first four times we rehearsed it.
The next day - SHOW DAY - with 30 minutes to go.
Someone get me a diaper. Reality is setting in.
New show. Never before spoken. All new visuals (two sets!). Four failed rehearsals of the shows complex 3 screen beginning. 200 people clammering at the door. Opportunities to blow it at least every 60 seconds when I walk out on the stage. NO safety net. And for what - growth??
In my 16 years of stage time I have learned this clearly: It's supremely easy to make an ass out of yourself on stage. All it takes is a new show.
Behind the curtain, waiting for my cue to take the stage, I am thinking of the line Adam Duritz, the Counting Crow's lead singer wrote, "I hope that everybody can find a little flame. Me, I say my prayers, Then I just light myself on fire, And I walk out on the wire once again."
I crossed myself, lit the match, and stepped out onto the wire in front of 200 people. 65 minutes later I was done.
The result of my show that day isn't important. Maybe it was good. Maybe it had moments of great. Or maybe it just sucked. It doesn't matter. (For one thing, it was just a FIRST DRAFT so by that standard it could only be a beginning of a show I will certainly refine down the line). But what does matter - and what felt GREAT afterwards - was the sense of accomplishment. I felt so accomplished. I had challenged myself, climbed at peril, and reached the peak. And, And -- I had grown as a result of the ascent.
In my book of experience, you better be pursuing your dreams for your own good reasons. You better not be doing it to impress other people or you will be hurting. Impressing other people is a rusty, double-edged sword. Some will love your work. Some will hate it. Many will not care. And even if you get a lot praise, the amount of work you put in to your craft will almost always exceed the amount of praise you may be earn. So you better love the work.
I love the work. And when you do the work you are rewarded with a deep sense of satisfaction for having exceeded yourself.
New show #3 (Officially titled DREAM ON) is now under my belt, and through it, I exceeded myself. And I have won over the voices in my head. They are now cheering, "Patrick, good job! I always knew you could do it."
05/06/2009 - Dream ON!
02/27/2009 - Journey Well
02/25/2009 - Do you have something to say?
02/11/2009 - Rich rich rich
11/23/2008 - Free to move about the cabin
10/21/2008 - So True
08/08/2008 - Beauty and the Beast
07/26/2008 - Co-Creating
07/07/2008 - Damn the Torpedos
07/04/2008 - Your Independence Play
06/16/2008 - Bursting
05/16/2008 - There's a Story Behind That Photo
05/15/2008 - I Agree with Forrest
05/07/2008 - 22 Secrets to Success
05/06/2008 - Quit JAMMIN Me!!
05/03/2008 - The 4 C's that REALLY matter
05/01/2008 - I drove through a rainbow
04/30/2008 - I won $100,000!
04/25/2008 - Bells Palsy at 2 months
04/13/2008 - A lot can change in a week!
03/22/2008 - One Month Mark
03/16/2008 - Separated at Birth?
03/16/2008 - It ain't Memorex
03/15/2008 - Back in Black
03/14/2008 - Looking Up!
03/12/2008 - Mad Eye Mooney
03/03/2008 - Bells Palsy Smile
03/02/2008 - Which is it?
03/01/2008 - "Right" On!
03/01/2008 - "Teching"
02/28/2008 - I come before you...
02/28/2008 - My Left Face
02/26/2008 - Saving Face
02/24/2008 - Call 911!
02/23/2008 - What would I say?
02/22/2008 - I was wrong
02/06/2008 - Could it actually be?
01/23/2008 - Sunflowers know
01/22/2008 - If you were to die today....
01/16/2008 - The Prayer of St. Francis
01/15/2008 - The Bolts
01/11/2008 - Alyssa, my daughter
01/03/2008 - Gonna get back to basics
10/31/2007 - The last night in my house
10/17/2007 - Hammered
10/07/2007 - In Kansas?!
09/21/2007 - Pop!
09/15/2007 - University of Dreamers
09/12/2007 - Sept 11, 2007
09/10/2007 - I could see the stars
08/27/2007 - Adversity University
08/27/2007 - Across the Universe
08/25/2007 - Chili Nights in Chicago
08/19/2007 - Patrick's, "Believe it or Not?!"
08/18/2007 - Keep on.
08/17/2007 - Good day Sunshine
08/17/2007 - Sometimes you win, and
08/16/2007 - Greetings from Chicago
07/16/2007 - Dr. Love
07/10/2007 - Duende
07/02/2007 - Final Stretch
06/28/2007 - Morning!
05/24/2007 - Extraordinary Days
05/10/2007 - The Work
04/29/2007 - It's a beautiful day
04/27/2007 - Life moves pretty fast
04/21/2007 - Across the Universe
04/06/2007 - A wonderful day
04/04/2007 - 9 DVD's to change the world
03/24/2007 - Mixed Emotions
03/20/2007 - Ramblings
03/10/2007 - Full flow!
03/02/2007 - Amindzing
02/28/2007 - The Awakened Mind
02/16/2007 - Best yet...
02/14/2007 - Off-the-Charts!
02/14/2007 - Here comes the Sun!
02/14/2007 - Un-be-lieve-a-ble!
02/14/2007 - Uh-oh...
02/09/2007 - Fixed it
02/07/2007 - Wait a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
02/07/2007 - Day 7, Ah hah!
02/07/2007 - My head hurts
02/06/2007 - Tech-tonic
02/04/2007 - Brain Drain
02/02/2007 - New Month, New Challenge
02/02/2007 - Challenge #1 is a Wrap!
01/31/2007 - Last day of "Rawkin in the Free World" ?
01/28/2007 - I'm so confused...
01/25/2007 - Day 24 - feeling groovy
01/18/2007 - Hmmm.... interesting.
01/16/2007 - I want a CHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
01/14/2007 - Stranded in an airport with no food...
01/13/2007 - Day 12 of only "raw"
01/06/2007 - Day 6
01/05/2007 - Argh...
01/02/2007 - It HAS begun.
12/22/2006 - Line up everyone!!!!
12/19/2006 - (Red)
12/14/2006 - Coming Soon
11/10/2006 - May I ramble?
11/08/2006 - We be jammin
10/10/2006 - Working Hard
09/30/2006 - What I've Learned
09/18/2006 - Big big breaks
09/18/2006 - Okay, I really got it
09/14/2006 - Waiting for my ship to come in..
09/14/2006 - Okay, I got it
09/12/2006 - Pardon me
09/10/2006 - Big dreams create big feelings
09/02/2006 - Ahhh....
08/27/2006 - Time flies
07/20/2006 - My Live from Montreal Podcast is on I-Tunes
07/20/2006 - What do you get criticized about?
07/19/2006 - Tough Night at JFL
07/18/2006 - Gabcasting II from Just for Laughs
07/14/2006 - Day 2 - JFL
07/13/2006 - Just For Laughs
06/27/2006 - Yeah Warren Buffet!
06/13/2006 - Wisdom from my 6 yr old
06/09/2006 - What is an Abundant mindset?
06/07/2006 - A good day to learn
06/06/2006 - Believe in the Magic of Intention
05/25/2006 - Thank God for music
05/16/2006 - I'm likely to fail...
05/13/2006 - This can now be a "Live Bookmark" for you
05/11/2006 - Gratitude
04/20/2006 - Completion feels so good!!
04/04/2006 - Alright, let's bring it home.
03/19/2006 - Big Things!
03/01/2006 - Duende
02/19/2006 - The buck stops here.
02/15/2006 - Sublime
02/15/2006 - It's a 4 Letter Word
02/11/2006 - Ouch
02/06/2006 - Make or Break
01/19/2006 - Live what you love
01/14/2006 - And go cat go!
01/12/2006 - My '06 touring begins
01/02/2006 - New Beginnings.
11/14/2005 - Redesign
10/17/2005 - Change Happens!
10/13/2005 - Chillin
09/20/2005 - The Waiting Is the Hardest Part
09/08/2005 - Paaarrrty!
08/14/2005 - Failure to reach my goal
08/11/2005 - This is a good feeling.
07/30/2005 - The third story
07/24/2005 - Dreams are everything they're cracked up to be
07/23/2005 - The 2nd Story
07/21/2005 - Back in the Saddle!
07/21/2005 - The first of 3 stories
07/20/2005 - A girl I met in NYC
07/14/2005 - As it Went
07/12/2005 - Opening Off-Broadway in a Few Hours
07/03/2005 - Hats off to Bob Geldoff
06/22/2005 - Opposition
06/20/2005 - Brave for an Hour
06/17/2005 - Commit & Renounce
06/15/2005 - Mistakes in Montreal
06/14/2005 - Will it Work?
06/12/2005 - 100%
06/11/2005 - Tension & Resolve
06/10/2005 - Love Every Moment
06/08/2005 - Commitment
06/04/2005 - Worth It!
06/01/2005 - Kool Beanz
05/24/2005 - Thanks Eric
05/21/2005 - Today is where your book begins
05/20/2005 - Again? Again?? Again???
05/19/2005 - Only what you make them
05/18/2005 - Great Jon
05/14/2005 - 2 Steps Up!
05/13/2005 - 1 step back
05/11/2005 - 2nd show in Auckland
05/10/2005 - Now that's impressive!
05/09/2005 - Opening Night in NZ
04/29/2005 - Pretty much speechless
04/24/2005 - Coming Soon
04/14/2005 - Interesting. Very interesting....
03/23/2005 - Within or without
03/17/2005 - Watering Instructions
03/15/2005 - What's In a Year?
03/14/2005 - The Rewards
03/11/2005 - Risking
03/10/2005 - What's Your Processional Effect?
03/05/2005 - Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda
03/05/2005 - Whoa!
03/02/2005 - Not "how?"
03/01/2005 - Greetings from Will Rogers country
02/24/2005 - So much to say, so little time
02/23/2005 - Gifts
02/14/2005 - Wooo Whoooooo!
02/10/2005 - Let it go, Let it flow!
02/02/2005 - Whoa!
01/27/2005 - Again?
01/25/2005 - Board Break Part 2
01/14/2005 - Training the Mind
01/12/2005 - The Power of Intention
01/11/2005 - Intention
01/10/2005 - TV Sucks
01/09/2005 - Crushing Loss
01/08/2005 - For me, astonishing
01/06/2005 - Fear Clear
01/05/2005 - Dealing with disappointment
01/03/2005 - Welcome to a New Year
12/28/2004 - Tsunami Relief